God put His principles in the Bible. If we live by those principles we will have a good life.
You see, if we follow God’s principles all is easy.
Today we will look at principles which help us to live good, life lasting marriage life.
Those principles are our choices. God put all responsibility on our shoulders.
We choose whom we are going to live with for the rest our life.
And our life depends on our choice. God says in Proverbs 12:26
“The righteous chooses his/her friends carefully.”
It is a choice!
The logic is if the Bible says to choose your friends carefully
it is even more important to choose who will be your life partner.
Love is a choice
not a feeling.
Let us first look at God’s role and our role in choosing the Love of our life.
- It is all my choice, my decision. God does NOT choose my partner for me.
God puts one hundred percent responsibility on your shoulder.
- There is NOT only one right person in the world for me.
If it would be, then it would take only one person to make wrong decision and break a chain.
You may meet some people before you meet the Right one for you.
- Love alone is NOT enough reason to marry.
The family background, the spiritual background, personality background, educational background.
You may not have same amount of energy, not same values, ambitions, goals..if none of this right..
but we love each other.. Do NOT destroy your life. You may damage your life.
I felt in love with multiple women but if I married them it would be a disaster.
Let us look at the description of the kind of person God desires you to marry and have a good life.
And if you want Blessing, Protection, Success at your marriage then you better listen what God has to say,
about the kind of person you should marry.
God gives us a list of qualities you and your partner MUST HAVE, boyfriend girlfriend.
Until you and your future spouse have those qualities you are NOT ready to marry.
This list is not the full list. It is a minimum, a start point to move into marriage.
You may add from your own experience to this list.
Minimum requirements for God’s blessing on a marriage.
If you or your partner does not meet those requirements it is a deal breaker.
It is not important how much:
you love them, they make you laugh, money they have, you have in common, cute they are.
The most important:
- Spiritual Unity is a must.
If you do NOT believe in the same God you will never be fulfilled, satisfied, have physical,
emotional, sexual intimacy that God desires for your marriage.
If God is not center of your life, your marriage, relationship will be shallow your entire life.
God has to be the glue of the marriage. Then you will have less problems.
Marriage, intimacy, children all was God’s ideas.
And God designed that a marriage will be three leg stool: God, husband and wife.
Stool will fall over if you take one leg out.
God says it clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Stop forming inappropriate relationship with unbelievers.
Can right and wrong be partners?
It is simple. Do not unite yourself with an unbeliever.They are not good mates for you.
Let us look at some facts from a marriage magazine researches.
Average people divorce out of two and a half marriages but if spouses do those three things:
go to church every week together, pray together, read the Bible together.
The divorce rate is one out of eleven hundred marriages.
Do you want to gamble? If you have NO spiritual unity, in about some years you will divorce
and the quality of your married life will be miserable.
But if you already is married to unbeliever you must love them and pray that they will find Jesus.
- Life purpose compatibility is a must. Non negotiable.
You must go in the same direction, have same purpose in life.
In Amos 3:3 the Bible says, Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
It is clear that people can not walk in one direction if one wants to go one way and another different way.
How then we can live together in intimacy without a purpose in life?
The marriage will fall apart. It will end in disaster.
The implication of this is – you are not ready to marry until you know the purpose for your life.
You need to identify what is your mission, calling, vocation, purpose, goal.
Why God put you on earth. Until you got answer to those questions do not even think about getting married.
God shaped you, gifted you and called you to go toward your purpose.
In Ephesians 2:10 it says that God shaped us, prepared us to do a good work in Jesus.
After we die God will ask us, What did you do with my Son, Jesus, while on earth.
I gave you my Son because I love you and want you with Me in heaven.
Did you love Him? Did you listen to His message?
And God will ask what did you do with the gifts He gave you, abilities, gifts, personality,
so that you use them to fulfill your purpose?
1 Peter 4:10 teaches that God gave each of us a gift to serve others and that it is our responsibility to use that gracious gift.
Hebrews 3:1 says that we are holy partners in the heavenly callings.
The purpose of marriage is to help you to fulfill your purpose.
If marriage keeps you from your purpose it is better to stay unmarried.
Imagine your purpose as a circle and your partner’s purpose as another circle.
Now think about how much those circles overlap. Do they overlap at all?
Can they become one? Oneness is when you have the same life purpose together.
You may both love the Lord and love each other but that does not mean you will be happy in marriage.
You must ask if you have the same purpose.
You may have a solitary purpose and fulfill it as Paul says in His letters.
A bad marriage is thousand times worse then staying single.
If your purposes are aligned and you have blessings on your marriage it releases enormous power.
- Emotionally healthy.
Do not get it wrong. NOT emotionally perfect but healthy.
There is no emotionally perfect people. We are all broken, imperfect.
If you are looking for a perfect one, you will be disappointed.
Warning: you are going to marry a sinner and she is going to marry a bigger one.
Two imperfect people can not make a perfect relation.
You will have conflicts, problems. Learn to solve and manage them.
Every one is broken, but some people are more broken then others.
Avoid them, no matter how much money they have or how well they treat you.
Studies show that eighty percent of divorces were because one or both partners were emotionally unhealthy, immature.
Here is partial list of emotional diseases you must avoid if you see them in a partner:
1 – Uncontrolled anger.
Do not make friends with hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered. Prov. 22:24
It simply means run, run from those who have anger issue because in some point they will turn that anger on you.
2 – Addictions.
In Proverbs 23:20 it warns us, Do not associate with people who drink too much or stuff themselves with food.
It includes other addictions too, like drugs, video games, gambling, spending money, who love to shop, pornography and so on.
3 – Resentment. Bitterness.
Whatever you resist, persist. And they will turn that resentment on you.
If they say, ‘I never be like my mother.’ They will become like their mother.
Release resentment as Hebrews 12:15 teaches us, Make sure you all experienced the grace of God
so that bitterness does not take root and grow, because that causes much trouble and will corrupt you.
It means that Bitterness causes much Trouble. If a girl has issue with her father, after marriage it will turn on to her husband.
And the Commandment from Big Ten says that you should Honor your father and your mother, no matter what they have done.
4 – Selfishness.
And Proverbs 28:25 says, Selfish people cause trouble.
It even goes deeper in the Proverbs 18:1 “People who do not get along with others are only interested in themselves;
they will disagree with what everyone else knows is right.”
5 – Greed.
Proverbs 15:27 says, “A greedy man brings trouble to his family.”
Learn and study how much damage a greedy person do to love, marriage, family, kids.
If you marry a greedy person you may be in debt your entire life.
Why? Because they will spend money to buy things, they do not need, to impress people they do not even like.
They do not know how to live on a budget. They say, I have to have it now even if I have to charge it.
“Do not eat at the table of the stingy person.” Proverbs 23:6
Do not hang out with that kind of people.
Now. There are two signs of Emotionally Healthy person:
Generosity and Kindness.
It is a clear sign of emotional health.
Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”
And proverbs 11:17 says that a kind man and a kindhearted woman benefit themselves and gain respect
but cruel people bring trouble on themselves.
Next one. Emotionally healthy person
6 – tells the truth.
Why is it so important?
Because Love is based on Trust and Trust is based on Truth.
If you do not tell me the Truth I can not Trust you and if I do not Trust you I can not Love you. Clear and simple.
There is no friendship without trust.
And truth means that there is no half truth;no hidden areas; no cover ups; no lies.
The person is transparent, open, honest, have integrity.
And the Bible says that if you find someone with integrity it will bring blessings on you and on the next generation.
Let us sum up. Did you notice that in that list there is no one word about appearance?
The most important values for life are not in appearance, how sexy they look.
But in the character, personality qualities.
Notice: Our culture teaches the exact opposite what the Bible teaches
that the number one thing you need in marriage is to be sexy, how good you look.
Proverbs 28:23 says that in the end people appreciate frankness more than flattery.
And let me urge you, please, for your own good, rid of the emotional garbage as soon as you can.
And I wish you live good, fruitful married or single life united in God, purpose, mission.